Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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