it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
