Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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