we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
