billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
where does the pee come out of this thing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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