wat bout pragnant strippers??
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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