Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
