If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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