My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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