Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
