Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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