you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
