You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if only i could text you this smell
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
