You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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