i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
