i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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