dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
