I think my vagina is haunted
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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