I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
