I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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