i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
