I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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