When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
