And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
