HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
