I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
