Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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