Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
