I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
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it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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