Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
