it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
