I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
