fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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