i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
