Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
