Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
