when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
