No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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