How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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