I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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