im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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