so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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