i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize