4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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