i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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