So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
