You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
