Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was like getting head from an anaconda
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
