Me too!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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