Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
