What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
