good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
