11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.