Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.