I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.