p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am available for nakedness
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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