just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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