We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
