so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
