Kiss
Puke
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize