when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers