Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot