Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.