What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence