Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?