hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.