This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.